Cowardice and it’s major downfalls…

November 25, 2009

As I sit here all alonely, I ponder how the feeling of cowardice has prevented me from living my life to the manner I would like it to. This is most prominent in my handling of admitting my feelings. For some reason I have the hardest time when I attempt this. For some people I know this is simple and is just something that they can do.

For others like me,  they find it to be a difficult and daunting task which proves a psychological wall for pursuing the people that make us feel happy and like we mean something to someone special.

Sure call me a hopeless romantic but I (after convosations with others) believe that there is someone out there for us all but they may pass us by so we have to be careful to catch them as they pass-by and say ” Hey how are you doing, Do you fancy doing something?”

Thanks for reading, hope it helped any that needed it and good night.

Why does joy strike when it is least suspected?

November 19, 2009

As I sit here all alonely, I ponder should I allow myself to feel the joy that I feel when I spend the time with the one I like. Should I allow myself to be opened up and analysed for all the world to see.  Should I give happiness another chance?

I was pondering this when I was approached by the person that I like, asking me if i wanted to work with them. Me being the person driven to look for companionship (does that make me too much like The Doctor alway needing a companion to keep him centered) agreed instantly, boy am I so happy that I accepted. I had one of the best days I have had in so long, since before my depression kick in 19 months ago. I had a genuine smile on my face for the first time in as long as I remember.

And I was just think for this entire day I should tell her how I feel but alas I was too cowardly to do it, and this left me with a dilemma. Should I give in to my feelings ,pursue this girl and admit my feelings or should I just leave it be and hope for the best? That is the question I am faced with.

After talking to my best friend and telling him all this, and listening to his sound advice on this subject ( Congrats on 11 months with your girl btw) I have decided to pursue her.

Who knew that joy and happiness would give me another chance and appear to me again and I am thankful for this chance and I for my own sake ( and my friends who will have to listen to my sadness) that this works out

Bye Y’all Hope you can find that someone that means something to you soon or if you already have that person make sure that they know they are special to you.

Life, and it’s obsession with love

November 17, 2009

As I sit here all alonely, I have time to contemplate how our culture puts such emphasis on finding that special someone, how we each have that someone that is designed specially for you, that you are one half of something and they are the other.

Everywhere I look I see people sitting there being happy with their current significant other claiming to be in love, and I say to myself I wish I had that feeling.

I see absolute bastards that go round treating this person like shit and their partner just follows them around acting like a love sick puppy. It annoys me so much that these people let this happen to them.  Why do people let others let themselve be walked over in the name of love.

That is my two cents on this matter. Speak to you soon. Bye!

Is anyone out there?

November 16, 2009

As I sit here all aloney, I often wonder about if we are the only ones out there, if we are truly alone in this wide universe. Sometimes I just feel like turning my head skywards and just yell. “HELLO, IS ANYONE OUT THERE?” However whenever I actually get up the courage to do it, I am always answered with the noise of either the 15 year old next door having sex or my other neighbors dog barking at a shadow.

Is it sad that I do this so that I have a reason to not feel lonely anymore, so that I can feel that I have a purpose in this world so that I am not just wasting space and resources on this earth.

What do you guys think? Is it even worth asking I know that there is no-one reading this. Anyway feel free to prove me wrong. I will be a suprise if anyone does.

Anyway see you later

Hello! Can anyone hear me?

November 16, 2009

As I sit here all aloney, I can not help but think about how life can get to you. How the simplest little action by another can send someone spiraling down in to a pit of  sadness and despair.

For example I sit in the same spot everyday with the same people and I am sure that only one or two of them would notice if I was not there and I am sure even they would not miss me. Do I really make that little impact in people lives that I am invisible and meaningless?

Does no-one feel that sometimes you need to acknowledge people that  seem down to them? Do they not believe that it may brighten up the day of those people? That they may get to know the person better and maybe get a new friend out of it?

These are all question that go though my head as I sit there and am ignored and I just wonder, WHY? Why do people not think of other’s feelings when they exclude people from their group?

Thanks for reading this anyone who takes the time. It is greatly appreciated.